Getting Back into the Game: Dating After a Bad Breakup with a Long-Term Partner

Man about to propose

We’ve all heard that story before. You meet someone who sweeps you off your feet and makes you believe in true love. You spend years together, only to find an incompatibility or a reason to end the relationship. You break up or get divorced. It’s not pretty, and it’s not easy, but for your sake, it had to be done.

Now you’re over it and looking to get back into the dating scene. How can you find the “right person” after all that? You might feel a little hesitant. After all, you’ve tried it before, trusted the system, and even then, you thought you had a good catch. Can you do it all over again? Here are a few tips for getting back into dating after moving on from a bad long-term relationship.

Consider a Matchmaker

Other people may be OK with the idea of dating apps or singles bars, but not you. The game of coy courtship was fun in your teenage and early young adult years, but now you’re keener on settling down. Going through blind dates or advertising yourself on a dating site sounds exhausting, embarrassing, or just attracting the wrong sort of people.

How about matchmakers? Matchmakers streamline the process and make it easier for you to find a match. Matchmakers in Houston handle the search for you and help introduce you to the right people who match your preferences and expectations in a relationship.

Quality matchmakers have years of experience connecting people, so you can bet they aren’t going to pair you with just anyone. Their process is also confidential, so you won’t have to worry about dating site profiles that others may come across.

Don’t Settle for Less

After a bad breakup with someone you’ve spent a long time with, you might be thinking that no one can match the standards you’ve placed when looking for a partner. However, when the first person comes along and they don’t meet one or two essential qualities you’re looking for in a partner, your eagerness to date or start a new relationship might cause you to lower your standards.

Don’t do this, and for two good reasons.

First, people who lower their standards because they believe no one can meet all are more likely to settle for poor treatment. This is particularly true with women: when women lower their standards, thinking no men can meet them, they might be unknowingly adjusting to someone who doesn’t fit the bill. It leads to a slippery slope of constantly lowering your standards each time they disappoint.

Second, if you pick someone who doesn’t meet certain qualities and it’s not resolved, it’s bound to be a problem in the long run. Let’s say you don’t want kids in the future, and that person does. If you bend and decide to have kids, and doing so turns your life upside down, you may later resent your relationship (and your children) because you never really wanted them. If you don’t resolve this problem early, another long-term relationship of yours is bound to fail.

The right person will come along if you wait. So, don’t settle for less and stay firm with your standards.

Don’t Ignore the Red (and Green) Flags

movie date

In the dating scene, it’s essential to trust your instincts. If a date makes you uncomfortable or says and does something that rubs you the wrong way, do not brush it off as just a one-time mistake. When a person shows you who they truly are or obviously tries to gaslight you, walk away. Do not ignore the red flag because the more you ignore them at the start of the relationship, the more you’re allowing them to happen.

At the same time, look out for the green flags – the signs that your date may be a good choice for a long-term commitment. These are the dates who don’t talk trash about all their exes (a sign of maturity and respect), can disagree without leading to a fight (a sign of levelheadedness), and don’t get upset over the slightest mistakes (a sign of good anger management). Don’t ignore the positive things, as it’s a sign of good things to come.

Going back into the dating scene can be daunting for those who thought they’ve already closed that chapter of single life.  But as long as you keep a clear head, know what you’re looking for, and where to look, meeting true love is still possible.

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